"For God has imprisoned all in disobedience so that he may be merciful to all. 33
O the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgements and how inscrutable his ways!
34‘For who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been his counsellor?’
35‘Or who has given a gift to him,
to receive a gift in return?’
36For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory for ever. Amen."
I see Romans 9-11 is about reversing the fall, embracing the sovereignty of God and relinquishing our autonomy. It follows then success in his calling depends completely on what he does and has little to do with me outside of trusting obedience. So, during moments of despair, I start thinking about how poorly it would reflect on him for my calling to come to naught. I find myself contending with him to think of himself--"You're all I've got! At least come through for your own sake!"
"Lord, to whom can we go? You have the words of eternal life." ~ John 6:68
"Spare your people, O YHWH,
and do not make your heritage a mockery,
a byword among the nations.
Why should it be said among the peoples,
'Where is their God?'"